What If I'm Not Really Confused?

Have you ever had a decision that you know you need to make, but somehow you have been pushing it for months?

It could be about starting your own business, buying a new home, applying for a role that has opened up in your organisation or finally deciding that it is time to look for another job.

You have probably thought about it enough and even started working on the next steps — creating the business plan, figuring out the finances and contingencies, reworking your résumé or speaking to people who have made a similar move.

But every time you get closer to actually making the decision, you begin feeling anxious. Your thoughts become foggy and suddenly there are ten more things you feel you need to evaluate before you can decide.

So you speak to people. One person tells you to go ahead, another asks you to wait, somebody gives you a completely different perspective and before you know it, all the advice that was supposed to give you clarity has left you even more confused.

Someone may tell you that you are afraid of failure, and there could certainly be some fear involved. But I have often wondered whether there is something deeper that makes us keep postponing some of these decisions.

Maybe it isn't only “What if this doesn't work?”

Maybe the more uncomfortable thought is “What if this doesn't work and I have to accept that this was my decision?”

Because now you have to take responsibility for what follows. You have to deal with the regret, if there is any. You may have to face people who advised you against it, deal with their judgement or perhaps even hear that dreaded “I told you so.”

And this is where repeatedly seeking advice can become interesting.

Sometimes we genuinely need another perspective. But sometimes, without even realising it, we keep asking people because we want someone to tell us what to do. If somebody else strongly validates the decision, perhaps it feels a little easier to live with the consequences if things don't work out.

This is where I see Emotional Fitness and Inner Agency playing a much larger role in decision-making than we realise.

It isn't about becoming fearless before making a decision, nor is it about refusing advice and doing everything on your own. It is about being able to listen to different perspectives, understand what is happening within you, make the choice that feels right to you and then have the Inner Agency to say: “I made this decision, and I will take responsibility for what follows.”

So the next time you find yourself discussing the same decision with yet another person, maybe pause and ask yourself:

Am I really looking for more clarity, or am I looking for someone else to make the decision easier for me to own?